Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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