hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
