Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
