She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Quick, to the slutcave!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
