he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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