I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
