Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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