my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
