I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
