I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
