you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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