I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
