You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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