Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
