never play flip cup with pint glasses
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
