she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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