i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
