Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
