A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
