So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
