upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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