sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
