Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
