He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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