Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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