Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
