That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
