Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
