wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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