then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
third nipple confirmed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
