i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
