I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
