hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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