Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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