It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
