Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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