You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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