i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
