What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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