How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
