Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Vodka?
Forever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
