So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
