They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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