my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
