A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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