Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
