when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just gift wrapped bread.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
