I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
