somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
