Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My cat gives me a boner
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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