ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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