so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
